Have you ever been driving in your car listening to 98.5 and you're like, "Ho, who's dis Jawaiian band? I neva hear deez guys before! I should Shazam deez frickas!"? So you unwisely grab your phone--c'mon guys, it's against the law!--and press your nice blue Shazam button. What comes next reads every time on your screen:
"“We couldn't find a match”
Make sure you hold your device close to the audio source.
You can tag as often as you like: there is no limit."
Man, Shazam doesn't love Jawaiian Music.
For all you who have been living under a pretty decent size rock, Shazam is an app that will identify American music or TV shows by holding the phone near the speaker.
The following are actual quotes from people in Jawaiian bands who are fed up with Shazam and created a protest directly to the app's headquarters:
"Bra, you know me, I'm just one struggling local bradah trying fo meet ends meet, and you know what, when one-nada bradah tries fo find my band tru yo’ stupid app and no work, make me reeeeeal irate!"—Keoki Joeseph Naho’oikaika Haleamau-Mercado III. *
"What, get 49 states in the US? Get 50 right?! Da 50it one is Hawaii right?! But cannot recognize my songs dat was made in the US? Das like not recognizing me for one solid Hawaiian bradah!"—Alika Kawika "Junya Boy" Smith Jr. *
"Coming from the Mid West, I joined a Jawaiian band to experience what the locals here play. I am just in utter outrage that your app will not support the local music scene here...it's just appalling. And here I am, thinking I was going to later apply for a job here. Pssh...you can count me out!”—Michael Hunt *
"You tink you can just fo’get about us ah?! You tink you can give us da chance fo download yo app, tink we can find all kine any kine Jawaiian music, get our hopes up, den just like dat, say cannot find da song?!—Mahina Ho'oponopono Rosemary Carvalho.
"Fak you!"—Lawrence Hayato Maruyami *
"Shazam? Dis app mo shitty den da movie Kazam!"—Kanani Hiwalani White-Wong *
*not an actual quote from people in Jawaiian bands who are fed up with Shazam
When will Shazam realize that Jawaiian music needs to be recognized on their app? Maybe when it happens the world might look different. Maybe the color green will be blue, or blue will be yellow. Maybe when I walk down Waikiki with my shirt off the girls will no longer cheehoo me. Or just maybe we will get our first president who is a woman. *
*I don't hope for any of that
Flushing the toilet with some sweet Jawaiian vibes,
Loa
