Thursday, December 15, 2011

A poem written on my toilet


*This is dedicated to my dear friend, Aikane Manuia

My friend was teasing me the other night--if you cant tell, it was Aikane--on how my blog was about me writing poems while I sat on the toilet. I think his words were, "Why don't you just go on your toilet and write poems!" So I figured to myself, why not grant him his wish, and write a poem as my naked butt sits on my toilet. But I'd like to think that I'm not actually on a toilet, but rather on a stage with my fellow bongo player.

It is night time
The sky has just turned orange
Where am I?
And seriously, why would the night sky be orange?

I'm in a lava field
Way below the field
Because if I were above the lava field, obviously
The sky wouldn't be orange

I'm swimming for the top
I need to escape to where it's blue
My arms are hurting, not from the arduous human paddling
But from these damn lava burns that I'm collecting

But wait, what's that? Could it be blue?
I must have escaped to the top!
Nope, it's just a checkpoint sign that of all colors in the world, it happens to be blue

I'm halfway there, I tell myself
Go, go, go, the cheerleaders cheer me
But the lava keeps pushing me down
Go, go, go, the swim team cheer me as they do cool synchronized leg movements

I have a languid body
I don't think I'll make it this time
We all can't be winners, right?
"Ask LeBron," one swimmer says.

I see a crowd of people yelling
Half of them for me, half of them against me, and weirdly another half yelling at their children
Three halves?
The orchestra from the Titanic is playing the Music when a protagonist is al.most.there.
I've made it

Everyone has disappeared except the noise of a violin
Sooothing, soft sounds grace my earlobe only, not
My whole ear
A man walks up to me

"You've passed level one, now on to level two of Two hundred and thirty-nine levels."
Dun, dun, dun...

It is night time
The sky has just turned orange
Where am I?
And seriously, why would the night sky be orange?



So, yeah, there it is. Great visuals, and solid structure is how I'd describe this elite poem. Also, I'd rate it at about a 9 3/4 out if a 10; could use just a bit more orange I feel like. But if you can take something away from this, shaaaaadap, I don't write poems!


Flushing the toilet with strength,

Loa

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Christmas in the hood


*Just got my computer back from repair, and I was too lazy to write from my iPhone, so I'm sorry, but I'm back homedogs.

It's Christmas time, so why not, let's talk about Christmas.

Each year, a popular artist like Mariah Carey or Josh Groban will come out with a Christmas album, and the masses will run to their computers (it's not music stores nowadays), and purchase the album online in hopes that this will be the new voice to their most current Christmas season.

I say new voice only because every song is the same songs people have been hearing since the 1800s like "Silent Night" and "Deck the Halls." This year's voice of Christmas would undoubtedly have to be Michael Buble, and his Christmas album, aptly entitled, "Christmas." I'm sure it took months to think of that title.

You can thank my girlfriend, who woke me up one morning, and told me to buy the album on iTunes. I like Christmas music and this album, but it is the same songs. Let's look at the titles:

1. It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas
2. Santa Claus Is Coming To Town
3. Jingle Bells
4. White Christmas
5. All I Want For Christmas Is You
6. Holly Jolly Christmas
7. Santa Baby (It's kind of weird hearing only a dude sing this song)
8. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
9. Christmas
10. Silent Night
11. Blue Christmas
12. Cold December Night
13. I'll Be Home For Christmas
14. Ave Maria
15. Mis Deseos/Feliz Navidad

I think it's safe to say that errbody has heard 99% of these songs at some point in their Christmas music-listening. I like it though. It has that Buble-orchestra feel to it, so that's always cool to hear.

But if you wanted to hear Christmas songs that you might have never heard before, listen to hip-hop Christmas music. These songs all put twists to classics, and comes out really humorous. Here, check some out:

Afroman--12 J's of X-Mas

Snoop Dogg ft Daz Dillinger, Nate Dogg, Bad Azz, and Tray Dee 
--Santa Goes Straight To The Ghetto

Run DMC ft Mase, Diddy, Snoop Dogg, Salt N Pepa,
Onyx, and Keith Murray--Santa Baby

Yeah, no one can really redo these songs like singers can redo the classic Christmas songs you hear every winter, but hey, that's what makes these songs even more classic!

Flushing the toilet with seasonal holiday scented spray,

Loa