Saturday, November 19, 2011

I buy, but I never finish


Ever been to the grocery store, walked past the fruits and veggies, and put them in your cart knowing there was a good chance you weren't going to finish them?

I'm guilty, and there are two things that I buy but never fully eat, ultimately getting rotten: bananas and lettuce (sucks it has to be nutritious foods, and not junk food like ones that clog up your arteries causing you to have to punch your chest like Chris Farley in that Da Bears Saturday Night Live skit).

As I walk pass the fruits, I think to myself, "Hey Loa, this might be a great opportunity to get some kind of fruit in your system with all the loco mocos and BBQ chicken plates you've been devouring, hmm?" So I'll pick a bunch of bananas and throw it into my cart. Days pass, one banana gone, but the bunch is still in tact.


I walk pass the produce section, and I think to myself, "Why, with you adding fruit to your daily food intake, wouldn't it be perfect if you add some lettuce?!" Joyful, I'll get a bundle of lettuce not even questioning if my dressing at home has expired or not. I'll get home, make salad the same night I bought the lettuce, then leave the rest in my refrigerator to rot until I think it's time to finally throw it away with the bunch of bananas I've left on my kitchen counter.

It's still a mystery why I allow myself to let my bananas and lettuce rot. If there's anything to learn from this, and I assure you, there's nothing, it's that you should never leave anything undone. Finish your damn bananas and lettuce!

Flushing the toilet,

Loa

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

It's only because I'm not able to speak



I was at my girlfriend's house one night, and she was dogsitting her uncle's dog, Bailey. We'd take turns throwing a tennis ball in various places in the living room, and she'd retrieve it. Once in a while, Bailey would stare at the wall and pay no mind to the tennis ball. It was as if Bailey thought there was something there that we couldn't see. Spooky? A little.

I thought to myself, "Why is it even a little spooky?" Then I immediately thought of scary movies, and what made these movies spooky?

Here's the answer: most of the characters who make movies spooky can't speak any language whatsoever: animals who just stare or bark into darkness and it seems to the human eye that nothing is there, babies who  cry and his/her parents don't know why she's crying, possessed girls, kids who are not old enough to speak, Asians who don't say a single word and just look fricken freaky, big men who look retarded and wear masks to hide their ugly face, etc.

It's like, of course they're going to be spooky because they can't convey a single word to express how they feel. They don't even know sign language, how do you expect them to be happy? And if these spooky characters can speak properly, there is something absolutely wrong in their head.

Try watching a scary flick and see why the spooky characters are spooky. You might see the film differently this time and it should be more classic too.

Flushing the toilet,

Loa