Wait, Don't Look Now!

I'm sure you've been in that situation where you and your friend are talking to each other and you notice a person who looks like someone and you tell your friend,"Don't look now, but the guy over there, see him?"

Your friend looks immediately.

"No, no, no, no, no, not right now, dummy! You're an idiot, I said not right now."

At that instant, the guy you were pointing out has already noticed that you guys are seemingly talking about him--not by hear, but by feeling. So he acts as if he's paying attention to the conversation he's having with his friend, but he's in fact keying in on you two.

"Whatever, so what about him," says your friend.

"Remember the movie, "Saving Silverman?" Doesn't he look like the coach who's in jail and when the two dudes ask him for advice on what they should do after they kidnapped Silverman's chick, he instructs the guys to kill her?"

Your friend, out of one eye, looks at the guy again, then starts to laugh,"Hahahaha, yeah he does!"

By this time, the guy obviously knows you're talking about him and gives you an eye so stink, that even a skunk would be like,"Dayyum! Now thas some stink ass eyes!"

He comes over, "You guys got a problem with me or something?"

"Uh, no sir. I was just complimenting your impressive cardigan to my friend here. Where could I find one like that?"

"Shut up, you dick heads."


Flushing the toilet secretly writing about this dude who was sitting next to me,


Loa

Beer Goggle Yourself

Beer goggles: A condition that exists, while in a drunken state, where a member of the opposite sex appears much more attractive than when sober.

Guys, you've all been in a situation where the opposite sex looked much better when you were drunk rather than they would be if you were sober. It's a crazy concept, but it's so true. When you're in a drunken state, you see a girl and you're like, "Awwwww yeeeeuh! I'mma get on this tonight!" Then you see that person again in a sober state and you're like, "Wow...um...I was pretty ripped last night."

But what if instead of using beer goggles on women, we used it for ourselves? You can get yourself into a drunken state, go to the nearest bathroom, look yourself in the mirror and be like, "Uuuu boy, you lookin' good tonight! Who looks good? You look good! Who's gonna get all the ladies tonight? You gonna get all the ladies tonight! Damn, you look good! What's up, what's up?! Ain't nobdoy gonna stop you, ya heard? Nobody! You got this, boy!"

After the buzzed pep talk, you then step outside to the bar or the club and work your damn magic on the ladies. The gals. The chickitos. The females. The "uuu she get it from her mamas."

You shy? Drink up. You nervous? Drink up. You think you're ugs? Drink up. You think you da man? Shut up. You start cruising with some hotties? Thaswhatsup.


Flushing the toilet like a G,

Loa