I Don't Bet, But I Play Fantasy

I'm not, and hopefully won't fall into being, a big sports bettor. For one, I don't have the money, and two, watching Keanu Reeves in "Hard Ball" just scared me straight into not gambling. Of course, I've petty gambled throughout my life ranging from quarter flip at the least and betting 20 bucks tops at the most. Again, not a big sports bettor.

For us children, we can safely play fantasy. No, not Final Fantasy you nerds, fantasy sports!  Although you can lay down some mula in fantasy sports, it's just as fun without it. For me, I strictly play basketball and football. There are tons of fantasy games like baseball, hockey, cricket, and...congress (??), but I stick to those two.

Basically, you choose players from the REAL professional sport through a draft system, and those individuals' stats in each game calculates towards your FANTASY team's points. You're either going head-to-head against another competitor in your league, or you're playing against everyone in your league. You can also trade, cut, or sign players to your team. Each league varies according to the league's commissioner and how he/she creates the league.

It can get a little awkward when it comes to your beloved sports team playing against someone on your fantasy team. You can start to root on for the other team just for your fantasy points' sake. You'll be like, "As long as Adrian Peterson gets two touchdowns, but the Bears still win, I definitely wouldn't be mad with that."

Fantasy can be like betting, and believe me, there IS a lot of money circulating through the fantasy sports playing field, but you don't HAVE to bet. So if you're feeling a little itch to bet, but don't wanna throw down those dollas, try fantasy sports. I'm sure you'll find something that'll heal your itch.

Flushing the toilet,

Loa

Birds Can't Read or Write

Imagine you're a young bird.  From a distance, you watch people walk alongside rails, yet they're not accompanying their walking with their hand on the rail, and you ask yourself why.  You've been coming to this spot for a few months and never has anyone not used the rail.  Finally, you've had enough with speculating and have decided it's time to find out for yourself.  Cautiously, you fly past the rail then come back around like a plane has missed its landing.  As you set your eyes on your destination, you land on it.  Suddenly, you realize why those people who were walking weren't using the rail.  You hear a fellow bird chirp, "Hah, look at Tom, that amateur, he's in wet paint!  Made that mistake myself in '99.  The rookies always fall for that one."

At any public place, where there is freshly painted objects, there will be a sign saying, "Wet Paint," indicating that there is...wet paint.  And at the Ala Moana Mall, they'll even add "wet paint" in Japanese!  But as far as I know, birds are illiterate; there could be some freak genius bird studying chemistry and writing novels with its beak in some remote place with an old white dude in a lab coat who has circular prescription glasses and hasn't shaved for days, but I'm gonna go ahead and say that's not happening.

Let's not take the fact that we can read and write for granted.

Flushing the toilet,

Loa

Fan Jumpers

On Tuesday, I'll be jumping on a plane to San Francisco.  It's been a while since I've temporary left Hawaii, and I won't lie, I'm ecstatic.  We all possess this bug in which every so often, we want to leave Hawaii.  Actually, regardless of where you live, there will probably be a desire to jump to another piece of land that you don't call home.

I can understand people jumping away from their homeland for a while, but I don't understand HOW people jump sports teams considering you were supposed to be a one-team fan.  I'm aware that I will be seeing a ridiculous number of San Francisco Giants hats roaming around in San Fran--I probably won't even realize these people have faces, just a swarm of black hats with orange lettering--but ever since they won the 'ship, I've seen that future ridiculous number of hats in Honolulu.  Woah, where did all these closet Frisco fans come from?  (Yikes, that could have been read wrong!)

Let's play this scenario out:

Loa: Hi, I'm Loa.
Recovery group: Hi, Loa.
Loa: Well, it started in '94 when I finally found out...I was a fan jumper.
Recovery group: (A choir of gasps).
Loa: "MY" team was playing, and then...and then...
Recovery Group: (Silent anticipation).
Loa:...I found myself rooting for the other team because they were winning...(begins to cry hysterically).

Must be the curse of the "no professional team."  And in any case, you'll probably hear or be in this real-life conversation:
Guy A: Sooo, you're a Giants fan?
Guy B: Yeah dude, they're so sick!
Guy A: Since when?
Guy B: Since ever!
Guy A: I thought you liked the Boston Red Sox?
Guy B: Yeah, but I always liked the Giants too.
Guy A: You son of a barney, Imma kill you!

Ok, no, Guy A doesn't say that last line, but you get the picture.  It must be nice to be born in Pittsburgh. "Oh hi, I'm Loa, and I'm a Steelers and Pirates fan."  Or if you're from Chicago. "Oh hi, I'm Loa, and I'm a Bears and Bulls fan. Daaaaaa Bears, daaaaaa Bulls" (I really am a Bears and Bulls fan; had to mention that).

In Hawaii, we have a plethora (I hate when people use that word.  Yeah, we know it means excess, and yeah, we know you looked in the thesaurus to find it, good choice!) of team lovers that there is no cohesive team loving, and I'm not even talking about sports now...or am I? Nah, but sports in Hawaii will always come back to the University of Hawaii at Manoa sports--the dedication and loyalty lies there.

See ya'll when I get back.

Flushing the toilet,

Loa

Stick This in Your Ear

You can use it to apply and remove makeup.  You can use it for science.  You can use it to clean a dusty keyboard.  But Q-tips never suggests to stick these cotton fire-knife looking sticks into your ears.

I'm pretty convinced that most people use Q-tips to clean their ears.  I know I do.  I haven't took the time out of my life to research what is the best way to clean your ears (can you say, lazy?)  Here on the back of the Q-tips box, it gives you pictures of what to use them for.  They show an eye, fingernails, a selection of paint colors, a keyboard, and...a dog.  But no ear.

Same goes for us in other aspects of our lives.  We're suggested not do something because it is not...suggested, yet we find ourselves doing that same thing we were suggested not to do!  Q-tips is just a mere metaphor for life, and I'm betting all my money that that's what Q-tips' intention is: they didn't want us to use it for makeup or a computer keyboard--they just want us to learn a lesson (What? I lost all my money?!?!).

I'm sure we'll still be using Q-tips for our ears for ears (sorry, I meant years, not ears) to come because no one can tell us what to do!  No pictures on a box, no nothin'!

Wishing your ears all the best, and...

Flushing the toilet,

Loa

Days of Recognition

Today is my birthday.  24 years ago, my mom gave birth to me.  Today, I've received dozens of facebook comments (not roses) wishing me a happy birthday. I've also received texts/calls wishing me the same.

Isn't it amazing that people recognize you on special occasions? It's absolutely welcoming to hear your friends and family tell you HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I've never experienced "Sixteen Candles" where my family forgot about my birthday, but can you imagine if you went through your entire birthday with no one acknowledging it?  Knowing that people care enough to mention those two very words is heartwarming.

I'm fascinated with the gestures of human beings and how we think.  Although we can be cruel and inhumane at times, we all possess love and compassion for others in someway or fashion.  People all around the world spend birthdays differently, but no matter what, regardless of the current situations we might be in, I'd like to think we all wish happy birthdays to one another.

I'm happy to be having a  happy birthday because of others saying happy birthday and being happy to me on my birthday that is happy.

Much Mahalos to everyone.

Flushing the toilet,

Loa

Being a Christian in New Jersey

(Note: not trying to spark a religious debate, just a thought).  Being born and raised in Hawaii, we have no professional team that we live and die by.  Probably the closest thing is the University of Hawaii at Manoa football team, the Warriors.  But imagine this, you're a die hard Christian, a die hard hockey fan, and you're born and raised in New Jersey.

New Jersey's professional hockey team is the New Jersey Devils.  Although the actual "New Jersey 'Devil'" is described as a cryptozoological specie (an animal whose existence is disputed, for example, the yeti) found in South Jersey, you can't help but compare this devil to THE DEVIL we've come to know from the bible or being alive in this world (what? you don't know who the devil is? well, you're not alive...kidding).

If you're this Christian in New Jersey who's a huge hockey fan, you've got to be in somewhat of dilemma.  You've got your religion, and you've got your hockey team.  You COULD not make a big deal out of it, simply because it's just a hockey team name, but on the other hand, you COULD be thinking otherwise...how you go about that thinking is up to your mind and heart.

You love your God, but you love your Devils. If you had to choose one, who would you choose?  Maybe you ended up following a different team.  Again, it may not get to that point, but I really don't know how a Christian Devil fan thinks.  Look at their mascot, if you go to a hockey game and see this dude, I'm sure you're not thinking of that not-too-sure-of-a-devil in Jersey but the devil underneath.

The Devils actually originate from Kansas City as the Scouts from '74-'76.  Then moved to Colorado from '76-'82 as the Rockies, and then on to New Jersey til now.  Kansas City was named after a statue depicting a Sioux Indian on a horseback, Colorado has the rocky mountains, and New Jersey has...devils.  Too bad the Jersey Shore cast wasn't made back in '82.  They'd be less of topic of religion if their name was the New Jersey Fist Pumpers.


Flushing the toilet,

Loa

Dirty Cell Phones and Toilet Seats

Ewww...someone's always claiming (without any real evidence) that your cell phone is dirtier than a toilet seat.  I mean, you can imagine where your cell phone's been, but dude, who's butts where on that toilet seat?

Ok, so a public restroom will have those paper thingies that you put onto the toilet before you sit on it, yet your cell phone provider can't hook it up with some temporary paper thingies for your phone? (Do they even make those?) OR what about public pay phones (if anyone uses those anymore)?  They should include some paper thingies for those phones...those phones guaranteed have had some gross ears/faces pressed up on them.

You want to make the argument that of course the toilet seat at your home is much cleaner than a phone because it's yours, your family, and friend's butt on that toilet seat.  Buttttt, what if you're not the first owner/renter?  Previous stranger butts.

It's hard to imagine that your phone is dirtier than a toilet seat, but most people'll argue you, it's the truth.  Good luck with your future phone/toilet endeavors, and get temporary paper thingies!


Flushing the toilet,

Loa

Prologue

I don't have a Twitter account.  I definitely don't have a Myspace.  I do, however, have a Facebook, but you can't really write in length on there.  Plus, many are trying to come up with that perfect status update/post that'll garner comments/"likes".  So here I am with this site, where I have many things to say; sometimes small, sometimes big, but something nonetheless.  Introducing, The Toilet Diaries.

The Toilet Diaries isn't about how weird or cool my last stool was, nor is it about my last thoughts before I go to bed.  One day, I thought about Japanese tourists, and how interesting it is that when they don't understand what you've just said to them, they just nod their heads and smile like that's the response we were looking for.  But what if they didn't do that.  What if they frowned their lips and began to cry?  What if any conversation for that matter with a language barrier was like that?  I know for myself, when I don't understand someone, I smile and give a little laugh as if I knew/understood what they said.  

So here I was, sitting on the toilet, thinking about this, and said to myself, "That would be fun to have an outlet to write thoughts that don't necessarily come from when I'm on the toilet, but just any thought that I think is worth mentioning" (said those exact words, promise).  After coming up with the name, I looked online if anyone had the same name or website.  A few names, but no legit website (the domain wasn't taken). 

So, this is just my "get out of jail free card" before I do anything.  I'm hopeful some peeps will read this, but if not, whatevvvvvas!


Flushing the toilet,

Loa