What Would You Rather Have?

In the world of prosthetics, one will replace a human body part with an artificial device...not because they want to, but because they've lost it in an accident of some sort. 

I've been seeing a tourist around my workplace with a prosthetic leg for a few days now, and my co-worker saw him too. He then posed this question, "What would you rather have: A prosthetic arm, or a prosthetic leg?" We laughed, which I feel like an asshole for, although I know my co-worker didn't feel like an asshole (what a real asshole), but what a question, right? 


OK, if I chose a prosthetic arm, of course, I'd have a prosthetic hand. If I were to go on a date with a hottie, and we were having an intimate dinner under the moonlit stars and yeah, there was no vog involved, I would want to do that slick move where the guy softly brushes the back of his hand against the side of her face, eventually ending with a soft kiss on her lips. I would act on this move, and she'd be loving it, but by the time I would go for the kill, I would be able to read her mind, and she would be saying, "This is so romantic...but his hand feels reallllly weird against my face." Dude, what a prick!


 So prosthetic hand, durable? Yes. Romantic? Not so really.

If I were to choose a prosthetic leg, I'd be so glad I could walk. If I wore pants, no one would know the difference if I had a human leg, or a prosthetic one..unless of course they were scrubs and studied the way I walk. There's gotta be a minor limp, guaranteed. 



If I were to go on a date, and the dinner went exceptionally well, she would say, "Let's take this back to my place." Then things would be getting pretty intimate, and in a soft voice, she would say, "Hey, my back's aching, can you massage it please?" I would reply,"Of course." I begin to massage her while she lays on her front, and she seems like she's loving it when she says in her oh so soft, soft voice, "Your hands aren't cutting it--use your feet?" In my head, I'm like, "Frick, she doesn't even know about my prosthetic leg! I thought we were just gonna make out!!" But she won't budge, she wants the feet. I sigh to myself, "Here goes nothing." I gently put my feet on her back and she's digging it,"Oh my, what have you lubed your feet with? It's such a feeling I've never experienced before." I'm thinking, "Awwww yeeeeeuh, son!" Suddenly she's over the massage, turns over and sees your prosthetic leg, and freaks out!........awkward silence.........then we'd be outside on the porch, smoking a cigarette, without anything good happening before that. Dude, what a prick! 


So prosthetic leg, durable? Yes. Romantic? Not so really.


Yeah yeah yeah, I've based my decison on how my prosthetic would put up if I was ever in a romantic situation. So what do I choose? I shall go with...the leg! I rather feel with my hand than my leg I suppose. Awkward or not, my girl gon love her some foot massages!


Actually, what I really wanted to get across was that we should all feel blessed and privileged to have our limbs in tact. Anddddd if you don't, I'm sorry if I offended you, and I hope your romantic situations are nothing less of a truly spectacular time.

OK, We Get It, The Food is Grinds

I hang out with this girl. She likes watching food shows. I'm not too big of a fan of the shows simply because the food looks really good and I eat eggs and rice for dinner, so those two facts don't really work out in my favor.

When I watch the shows, I think the food looks amazing, but I tend sometimes to only watch the show hosts and how ridiculous their facial expressions are, and the way they praise the food they have just tasted. And I'm not talking about the shows where the host is a cook, I'm talking about the hosts who taste a cook's meal. I like how they:

First, look at the food that the cook is about to give him/her with huge eyeballs as if he/she are about to receive the most precious gift on earth. Then, they take a bite, close their huge eyes and make this face like the most precious gift on earth has turned their taste buds upside down. They then start to nod their head up and down, seemingly saying yes, but the words won't come out because they're speechless--it just tastes THAT good. Then, they look at the camera and point to the food, still not saying anything, but as if to say, "You have GOT to try this." Finally, when words can reach their vocal capabilities, they say that it's the best whatever it is he/she has ever tasted...evvvvvver.

Over and over. I suppose you have to sell it. Doesn't the food ever taste bad that it makes them want to spew (and "If you're gonna spew, spew into this--Wayne Campbell)? I mean, it doesn't have to taste bad, but according to what the TV host likes and dislikes, the food has to suck sometimes! It'd be classic to watch a show where the host gets the food, takes a bite and goes, "Wow!" And the cook goes, "You likes?" And the host is like, "No! That was the worst taste of food I've ever had! This food sucks!" and just starts spewing everywhere! At least I would know that the host was being honest. And I know they wouldn't edit or completely cancel that particular show too.

I guess I'm just hating the playa AND the game because I'd guarantee grind all the food on those food shows. In fact, I'm pretty hungry right now. But I think I'll just settle for my 88 cent purchased bag of saimin and a live telecast game of the NBA.


Flushing the toilet,

Loa

Permit Yourself to Show Your Elevator Permit

Many thoughts can cross your mind while you're in an elevator: what do I have to do today? I wonder who's home? This elevator is slow. This elevator is fast. Why didn't I take the stairs? Who is this Otis guy? Etc. But have you ever looked at the sign somewhere in the elevator that says, "ELEVATOR PERMIT LOCATED IN MANAGER'S OFFICE"?

I've seen it a bunch of times and thought of going to the manager's office just to see if they really have a permit for the elevator. But, sometimes your manager's office isn't even in the building. Sometimes, you might be stuck in the elevator and want to know how the elevator is operating with a "permit", but you can't, 'cause you're stuck...in the elevator, and the permit is in...the manager's office. I once went down in an elevator with only myself and another female, and the lights were out inside. First, I was thinking how lazy the maintenance was, and then I was like, "Wow, this is kinda cool. She could be hot, and for the next  10 seconds, something amazing could happen." Turns out, the girl was my sister in-law's first cousin. Weird. And totally off subject...kinda.

I wonder if these "managers" ever have regular people like ourselves strolling on through their office asking, "Could I see the elevator's permit please?" Startled, the manager shuffles through the various papers piled on his desk and inside of his drawers. Finally, the manager finds it and shows it. The person examines the document then hands it back saying, "OK, just making sure. Thanks," and walks out the door.

But why is there a sign saying that the permit is in the manager's office? Why can't the actual permit be displayed in the elevator. You don't have bars having a sign that says their liquor license is in the manager's office. Maybe there were incidents in the early days where the actual permits were being destroyed by passengers in the elevators. And it just so happened that the elevator peeps were the originators of going "green", saying "We are using just too much darn paper with trying to show our darn permit, darnitt!" So the dudes were like, "You know what, we'll just put up a sign in the elevator saying that the permit is in the manager's office. There, the permit will be safe in the manager's arms." Who knows? I obviously don't.

Anyways, check out that sign, and possibly think of taking a look at the actual permit...wherever the hell it is.

Flushing the toilet,

Loa

Burning Rubber is Not Always Cool

An action worth taking a look at is the "burn rubber when mad" action. Well, it's not THAT important that it's worth looking at, but it's so funny and so true.

Scenario:

 Female and male are getting into a fiery argument, not a heated one, and brother man and sister woman can't take it anymore. He's like, "You know what?! You know what?!" And she's like, "What, huh?! What?!" And he's like, "We're through!" 

As he says that they're through, he slams the front door of the house, and proceeds to his vehicle. After he gets into his car, he slams another door again, knowing that she is in tears listening to his every move. He starts his car, reverses, puts his gear into drive, and...infamously burns rubber. As she hears his tires screech for those few seconds, she then knows, he's surely not playing any games.

End Scenario.

But can someone tell me who the hell came up with doing that, and why when that person heard/saw someone else doing that because of him/her, he/she was like, "They must be pissed at me." I used to think burning rubber was for leisure activity and cool, until one day, I heard an argument from my neighbors, and it ultimately ended in the burning of some rubber. I was like, "Wow, burning rubber is not always cool." 

In any case, that person is pretty creative. I rather he/she burns rubber than burns in physical violence. Right on, creator of burning rubber!

Flushing the toilet,

Loa

You've Always Got an Option

You need to use the bathroom, but you broke your smart phone,  and have no immediate good read. What do you do? Wait, you have a laptop? Sweet! Oh, you don't have wireless connection? Bummer. Ok, so what do you do?

If you're like me and is not a quick dumper, you need something to do while you're on the toilet, or your experience is absolutely boring. This stands true because why would Tim Allen on Home Improvement and the ESPN Zone have TVs in their bathrooms? Ok, I know, they're men related, but it's because staring at a blank wall or a wall of torn-out magazine pictures can be again, absolutely boring.

I don't have a monthly subscription to any magazine, and I do enjoy a good read, but when I had to revert to my old phone which the coolest feature was text messaging, I had no wireless connection for my laptop, and my reading selection was at a minimum, I resulted in reading the descriptions of the various products inside the bathroom. They ranged from the shampoo bottle, the conditioner bottle, the body wash bottle, the face wash, and the air spray can. Not the best reads, but interesting nonetheless. It's nice to know what you're actually putting in your hair, on your body, or spraying into the atmosphere, and how the company goes about selling their product. Sure, it can seem a little awkward when your real purpose is to take a dump, but your mind will be busy and not focus on how soon you can reach for the toilet paper.

I'm just saying, if the opportunity kind of...sorta...like...presents itself, don't hesitate to get your read on.


Literally, flushing the toilet,

Loa