What Would You Rather Have?

In the world of prosthetics, one will replace a human body part with an artificial device...not because they want to, but because they've lost it in an accident of some sort. 

I've been seeing a tourist around my workplace with a prosthetic leg for a few days now, and my co-worker saw him too. He then posed this question, "What would you rather have: A prosthetic arm, or a prosthetic leg?" We laughed, which I feel like an asshole for, although I know my co-worker didn't feel like an asshole (what a real asshole), but what a question, right? 


OK, if I chose a prosthetic arm, of course, I'd have a prosthetic hand. If I were to go on a date with a hottie, and we were having an intimate dinner under the moonlit stars and yeah, there was no vog involved, I would want to do that slick move where the guy softly brushes the back of his hand against the side of her face, eventually ending with a soft kiss on her lips. I would act on this move, and she'd be loving it, but by the time I would go for the kill, I would be able to read her mind, and she would be saying, "This is so romantic...but his hand feels reallllly weird against my face." Dude, what a prick!


 So prosthetic hand, durable? Yes. Romantic? Not so really.

If I were to choose a prosthetic leg, I'd be so glad I could walk. If I wore pants, no one would know the difference if I had a human leg, or a prosthetic one..unless of course they were scrubs and studied the way I walk. There's gotta be a minor limp, guaranteed. 



If I were to go on a date, and the dinner went exceptionally well, she would say, "Let's take this back to my place." Then things would be getting pretty intimate, and in a soft voice, she would say, "Hey, my back's aching, can you massage it please?" I would reply,"Of course." I begin to massage her while she lays on her front, and she seems like she's loving it when she says in her oh so soft, soft voice, "Your hands aren't cutting it--use your feet?" In my head, I'm like, "Frick, she doesn't even know about my prosthetic leg! I thought we were just gonna make out!!" But she won't budge, she wants the feet. I sigh to myself, "Here goes nothing." I gently put my feet on her back and she's digging it,"Oh my, what have you lubed your feet with? It's such a feeling I've never experienced before." I'm thinking, "Awwww yeeeeeuh, son!" Suddenly she's over the massage, turns over and sees your prosthetic leg, and freaks out!........awkward silence.........then we'd be outside on the porch, smoking a cigarette, without anything good happening before that. Dude, what a prick! 


So prosthetic leg, durable? Yes. Romantic? Not so really.


Yeah yeah yeah, I've based my decison on how my prosthetic would put up if I was ever in a romantic situation. So what do I choose? I shall go with...the leg! I rather feel with my hand than my leg I suppose. Awkward or not, my girl gon love her some foot massages!


Actually, what I really wanted to get across was that we should all feel blessed and privileged to have our limbs in tact. Anddddd if you don't, I'm sorry if I offended you, and I hope your romantic situations are nothing less of a truly spectacular time.