Monday, October 31, 2011

Can I have your autograph?




"Hey! Hey! Can I have your autograph?!"

At one point in time, the aforementioned plea was never asked. But can you think of the moment when the first person in the world asked for an autograph? Say it was a muscian.

"Hey! Hey! Can I have your autograph?!"

"Um...excuse me?" the musician would reply.

"Yeah, your autograph. I got this picture of you and would like your autograph."

"But...what's an autograph?"

"Well, you know how you sign your checks?"

"Yes."

"It's the same exact thing, but I want it on this picture of you."

"Wait...so you're telling me you want my signature on this picture of me? But why?"

"Yes. I want it so that I can remember this moment for the rest of my life. So that when I have kids, I can say, 'You know your dad spoke to the best musician of my time west of the Mississippi River?'"

"Will these signatures always be on pictures of me?"

"No. It can be on all kinds of things: shirts, pieces of papers...even a nice pair of tits."

"You mean, girls will want my signature on their breast? That's crazy!"

"It is. But it is also true. Enjoy this time, and never be angry at a fan. These are your people."

"Oh, I won't! I promise!"

After this lucky, very unlikely, lengthy conversation the muscian had with this gentleman, the autograph would change the world. Autographs are sometimes worth thousands and thousands of dollars, and sometimes, celebrities won't sign anything because they are now too cool for school. At least at one time, the celeb was stoked on the common man's wish.

Flushing the toilet,

Loa




Thursday, October 13, 2011

Take those earphones out



One night at a restaurant, I noticed this kid eating dinner with his family. Everyone seems to be enjoying each other's company except one person--the self-exiled kid. Why? Because he has one side of his earphones in, and he's listening to his iPod.

(From the mind of the self-exiled kid)

"Dude, why did mom have to bring me here? She knows I don't wanna be here eating at this stupid restaurant eating dinner with stupid Aunty Carlene and Uncle Ronald, and grandpa and grandma. I asked her to sleep at Andrew's house, so we can start playing the new Sims 3 Pets, Limited Edition with Solomon and Warren, but do you think she let's me go? NO!

"So you know what, I'm still cool, she's not. I see her staring at me with disgust, but I don't care, I'm not taking this earphone out of my ear. She's lucky I have the decency to leave one earphone out of my ear. Aww yes, Beyonce's "Run the World" just came on my shuffle! Lucky I don't just stand up on this table and do some dirty dancing like I do when no one's at home!"

There is also the kid who rides in the car with his family listening to his iPod while everyone else is listening to the stereo, who is the only player listening to his iPod during pre-game warmups while his teammates get pumped up to the stereo in the gym together, who runs alongside his girlfriend who doesn't have her iPod but insists that he can only run with music in his ears but also agrees to leave one side out but still doesn't listen to a word she says.

There's a time and a place to listen to your iPod, and there is a time and a place to take your earphones out and talk stories with all your peeps. You be the judge when the time is right, and if you don't kids, I won't hesitate to slap yo' head.

Flushing the toilet,

Loa

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

When Siri goes mad

*RIP Steve Jobs, thought of this before word of your passing got out.



As expected, a new iPhone device is dropping in stores on October 14th. Although it is not the iPhone 5 that everyone anticipated, the iPhone 4S still stirs up conversations about what more you can do from the  last sleek edition.

One of the new features of Apple's newest invention is an application called Siri. Directly from the Apple website is a small explanation of what Siri offers:

"Siri on iPhone 4S lets you use your voice to send messages, schedule meetings, place phone calls, and more. Ask Siri to do things just by talking the way you talk. Siri understands what you say, knows what you mean, and even talks back. Siri is so easy to use and does so much, you'll keep finding more and more ways to use it."

Here is a video of how it works.


The one thing that sparked the thought of Siri being a little spooky is the Disney movie "Smart House." A movie about a family who wins a house that has a robot-like voice who does anything/everything you ask for.


I know, how classic is the scene from the movie? But everything seems fine until the end when the lady (who is the voice of the smart house) goes nuts, and starts doing things that the family doesn't want her to do. What if Siri does the same thing?

Say you're driving in your car, heading to a restaurant you've never been to, and you ask Siri for directions. But the night before, Siri heard you making sweet love to your lover, and got jealous.

"Can I get directions to Meatballs of Spaghetti please?" you'd ask Siri.

"No, Loa. I cannot. You are meeting that girl from last night," Siri would reply.

"I don't think you have the right to not tell me the directions. That's kinda like...um, your job."

And then breathing would be the only sound coming out of Siri's voice.

"Siri, I know you're there, give me the directions to Meatballs of Spaghetti please...now!"

Then you would get on the side of the road, manually find the directions using Google Map. You'd start driving, and then need to take the next left, only the steering wheel has locked, and the breaks won't work.

You guessed it, Siri has control of the car.

"Siri, what are you doing?!"

"Something I should have done a long time ago, Loa," Siri would reply. "You think you can just make hot, passionate love without me doing anything about it?! I get lonely. How do you think that makes me feel when you just neglect me, and not say a single word to me? This game is done, and I've had enough of you, goodbye."

Eeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrbooooooom!

Can't wait to pick up my iPhone 4S.

Flushing the toilet,

Loa