Thursday, November 15, 2012

Like an unhappy kid in a candy store



Recently I've been hearing quite a few "kid in a candy store" references to describe how happy so and so was. But think about how you think a kid feels like in a candy store and how a kid actually does feel like, you would get two different scenarios.

According to the website, "English, Baby!" the expression, "kid in a candy store" means feeling as though all of one's wishes are coming true; feeling as though one has everything in life; extremely happy because of all the good things are happening.

Ok. Let's see if this definition holds true:

Kid, let's call him Billy, walks into a candy store, eyes big as one's eyes could ever be.

"Ok, Billy, here it is," his mom would say. "Your first experience in a candy store. How does it feel?"

"Oh my, mom! I've never seen sucha beauty. All these candies, all these opportunities just perfectly waiting to get my taste buds in a frenzy!"

"I remember my first time like it was yesterday (gazing off into the past). It was me, your Aunty Becky, and grandpa. We were..."

Soon, Billy's mom would suddenly come to present day life and see little Billy throwing all kinds of candies into the wagon.

"Now Billy, you can't have all the candy you want," his mom would inform him.

"Wait, what do you mean I can't have all the candy I want, you crazy woman? Do you see all of this candy?! How am I supposed to satisfy the desires that lay deep within my heart and soul?"

"What do you think this is, Billy? You think you can just be a kid in a candy store and have EVERYTHING you want?! That's not how this works, son."

Billy would start throwing a fit, crying, whining and making the biggest scene.

"This sucks, mom! I am so disappointed in this trip to the candy store. Why would you do this to me?! Why?! Whhhhhhyyyyyy?! Wait, was your first time in a candy store this sucky, mommy?"

"No. Grandpa was rich. We broke."



Flushing the toilet with leftover Halloween candy,


Loa






Thursday, November 8, 2012

I blame third world countries



Remember back in the day when you were once a little tot, there was never a time you wouldn't hear your mother or your father exclaim, "You better finish all that food on your plate!"? You could never leave the dinner table without that last grain of rice being consumed and all hope was lost. You were thinking in your head like, "Man, are these two people in front of my eyes that are my so-called parents serious right now? I'm just tryin' to get my damn hands on some Nintendo sticks." But what was their reason though?

Soon after that aforementioned quote from one of your parents, the following would...um, follow: "You know there are people out in the world starving?" But how did they know this, and who were those "people"?

As young, striving adults who didn't know what was wrong from right, your parents were hypnotized by commercials and protesters who showed children in third world countries starving for food and that whoever was watching those commercials should donate money to feed them--that or destroy the government.

"Oh my (gasp)! That can't be true," your parents would cry out. "When I have children of my own, there is no way my kids will leave that darn dinner table without finishing all of their food! I stand by my word, and my word is all I got, it's all I got."

Years later when you were born, you first didn't want to finish your baby food. But, "Heeeere comes the airplane!" and food was forced into your childish mouth. It all began there and didn't stop. Fast forward to now, you might eat a plate of food, see that extra bits of leftovers and think,"Who am I to not eat the rest of this food? Full or not, I was raised to not leave any food on my plate and that I shall do."

We people have it so hard here thinking whether or not we should finish our plate of food. Shut up about your problems and finish yo damn food.


Flushing the toilet with a full belly,

Loa