As if you had a Facebook account

When I scroll through my Facebook Newsfeed, there's a good chance I'll see a post where someone (gosh, I guess it's one of my friends) speaks directly to an inanimate object or to family members who don't even have a Facebook account.

Example:

"Dear Finals Week, will you please be done with, so that it can be summertime, and I don't have to deal with you for a good three months!? Love, Loa."

If "Finals Week" were to somehow speak directly back to you, it'd probably say something like:

"Dear Loa, it's really up to you. Trust me, I could care less if you took me or not, 'cause honestly, you're probably wasting your time, and you may not fail me, but will fail to graduate. Love, Finals Week."

Or for the family member who doesn't have a Facebook account:

"Happy Birthday, Dad! I love you so much, and hope you have a wonderful day! So happy you're in my life :)"

It's like, I know your dad doesn't have a Facebook account; he's the last person who would have one. We all know he's Internet illiterate, and would rather be watching TV and drinking a beer than wondering what everyone's up to. And if you want to tell your dad Happy Birthday, um...just tell him yourself. Walk outside of your room, and tell him. He's not there? Call him. And if he doesn't have a Facebook, who are you talking to? You just wanted everyone to know how cute, how much you love your dad, and that it's his birthday? That's cool.

But I guess we all put posts on our Facebook to receive love from our friends. A comment would be great! But a "like" would suffice too. I look forward to the next string of direct speakings to inanimate objects and family members who don't have a Facebook account.


Flushing the toilet,

Loa

And Then There Was A Recipe

A really short story for the readers:

Once upon a time, there was a day, when companies like Bisquick and Onion Soup didn't have recipes on the back of their boxes. People would pass these no-recipe-boxes in supermarkets and be like, "Why would I ever consider buying this product, I don't even know what to use it for!"

As many owners of these kinds of products noticed that no one in their right mind were buying them, they were like, "You know what, let's take our product off the shelves and remodel our packaging."

Meetings upon meetings and arguments upon arguments and even collaborations upon collaborations took place. One idea was that instead of their boxes being non-see through, they'd put a transparent window which would allow consumers to see what they were buying. Someone stood up and said, "Are you out of your mind, Tommy! I oughtta go over there and slap your head, you idiot!"

Then one day, it hit; they finally came up with the right idea: "Let's put recipes on the back of the box so that when people look at this product, they'll know what some of the possibilities they can create with our product!"

Even if you don't look at the back of the box, which I assume everyone doesn't, if you don't know what to create with the products you purchase, I hope Tommy, the guy who came up with the bad idea, will come out of nowhere and slap your head.


Flushing the toilet,

Loa

I should have got that joke patented

A few months ago, I came up with this joke, and have received much praise (in laughter) on it up until this very day. It got me thinking that whoever I told this joke to might steal it from me, and claim their creative brilliance. Then I was like, how does one know where a certain joke originated from?

Fat jokes, your mama jokes--every single joke that has ever been made up has an originator, but when that joke is told, the originator gets no love. Shame on you, musicians, who cry about their music being stolen. Um, yeah maybe your song was downloaded for free, but you got some money out of it; these dudes making up jokes get their joke stolen and receive no benefits, no nothin'!

Anyway, how would you go about getting a joke patented? The definition of patent is "a government authority to an individual or organization conferring a right or title, esp. the sole right to make, use, or sell some invention," and mmhmm, a joke is an invention, and if one can make money off a joke, then heck, let me patent that damn thing!

And if a joke was somehow patented, what would happen if someone decided to use the joke without authority or permission and who would regulate it? I'm gonna go ahead and say that whoever regulated it, would probably make sure you died. Yeah...dead.

Okay, maybe being able to patent a joke isn't the best idea...

Oh, what was the joke?

So you'd go up to someone and say, "Do you have the new app for your phone? The one you can chat on it with other people?" Then he/she most likely would get into it asking if it was this or that app, and then you'd cut them off and say, "Chattttttttt app!!"

Get it patented right? I know.


Flushing the toilet,

Loa