When I scroll through my Facebook Newsfeed, there's a good chance I'll see a post where someone (gosh, I guess it's one of my friends) speaks directly to an inanimate object or to family members who don't even have a Facebook account.
"Dear Finals Week, will you please be done with, so that it can be summertime, and I don't have to deal with you for a good three months!? Love, Loa."
If "Finals Week" were to somehow speak directly back to you, it'd probably say something like:
"Dear Loa, it's really up to you. Trust me, I could care less if you took me or not, 'cause honestly, you're probably wasting your time, and you may not fail me, but will fail to graduate. Love, Finals Week."
Or for the family member who doesn't have a Facebook account:
"Happy Birthday, Dad! I love you so much, and hope you have a wonderful day! So happy you're in my life :)"
It's like, I know your dad doesn't have a Facebook account; he's the last person who would have one. We all know he's Internet illiterate, and would rather be watching TV and drinking a beer than wondering what everyone's up to. And if you want to tell your dad Happy Birthday, um...just tell him yourself. Walk outside of your room, and tell him. He's not there? Call him. And if he doesn't have a Facebook, who are you talking to? You just wanted everyone to know how cute, how much you love your dad, and that it's his birthday? That's cool.
But I guess we all put posts on our Facebook to receive love from our friends. A comment would be great! But a "like" would suffice too. I look forward to the next string of direct speakings to inanimate objects and family members who don't have a Facebook account.
Flushing the toilet,