I don't want to buy girl scout cookies

First and foremost, my apologies for not having written anything in a minute, I've been one, lazy, two, a girl, and three, lazy (I hate when people mention three things, but it's really only two things, with one being said twice. It's like, just because you can't think of a third thing, doesn't mean you can take the easy route and mention one thing twice).

"Would you like to support our soccer team and buy some cookies?" a little girl will ask me before I walk into the grocery store.

Her tone of voice and eyes make it hard to lie. "I'll get you guys when I come back out," I'll say in hopes that they forget me and what I said.

Trust me, I'm no A-hole, but I go to the grocery store merely to buy the necessities, and not to splurge on those tasty and tempting cookies.

Sometimes I'll catch the girls turning their back to me--"Perfs timing," I say to myself and hurry past them into the store. Other times they'll be talking to another grocery customer--"Perfs timing," I say to myself and hurry past them into the store.

Like I said, if they do in fact get in contact with me, I'm able to shut them down with my "I'll catch you on the way out" line, no problem. You'd think kids would be so damn cute and innocent that you couldn't help yourself but purchase at least a box of cookies, but it's actually the parents that I can't turn down.

When the girl asks me if I want to buy cookies, and her dad is standing behind her, staring at me like, "You better buy these damn cookies, or else you'll have a date with my fist in the parking lot," then of course, "I'll take a dozen of the Shortbread cookies and six (the dad squints his eyes at me even more), I mean a dozen of the Thin Mints too."

The girl joyfully turns around to her dad, "Daddy, daddy, this man bought 24 boxes of cookies!"

"Wow, what a great and giving man he is!" he tells her.

And now I'm left with only $15 to buy $120 worth of groceries. Thanks, pops.

If I keep up with my selfish ways where I avoid these little, ambitious kids, my future kids are screwed. No one will buy a single box of cookies from them, in no way do I have the physical appearance to eye out a customer behind my child to force them to buy cookies, and I'll have to buy their plane fares every single time for their sport trips.

That's why I'm writing this though; I've come to this realization that I have to support the children in their endeavors, so I've set up a jar, labeled "Girl Scout Cookies Fund" and I will be prepared to buy cookies from these blood sucking children!



Flushing the toilet with chocolate chip droppings,

Loa