Friday, February 17, 2012

We want Jeremy Lin to retire, love Harvard



Dear Jeremy Lin,


We are the Harvard Student Council, and we'd like to personally congratulate you on your sudden success in the National Basketball Association (NBA). You have reached new heights in an area where we Harvard students do not usually prosper.

On that note, we'd also like to say that you are a traitor. You are now getting high praises for what we Harvard students do not strive for. We are academics, and academics only. At first, we were worried like, "Oh my, Jeremy entered the NBA draft!" But then you didn't get drafted so we were happy. Then you got picked up by the Golden State Warriors and we were worried again. But then you were released, picked up by the Houston Rockets, released, in the D-League, then picked up by the New York Knicks. All was still well because we knew you weren't going to get any play time.



Then we all know what happened: Linsanity. Ha! What a imbecilic and mindless nickname! You think you're so cool hanging out with that Carmelo guy who has those tattoos and that Amare guy who wears those glasses. Pssh...well you know what, you're not as cool as you think. They're not your people Jeremy, we're your people!

Excuse us for our informal speech, but we are just so fed up with you, Jeremy! We hold a high regard that no Harvard graduate should ever have as much success that you've managed to receive as an athlete. What would the man we named our school after, John Harvard, think if he knew that a graduate of this school was actually thriving in a sport rather than being a politician, businessman or an orchestra professional? He'd be rolling in his grave!

Remember you used to play the violin, and we'd all call you Jeremy Vio...lin? We would even use that pause when saying violin because you said it was humorous and it tickled your funny bone. Where did that Jeremy go? Who is this new Jeremy? Do you remember Henry Montgomery II? He bought 300 basketballs and inflated each and every one of them to give himself some hope that maybe this all was a dream.



We students at Harvard have initiated the "Don't Play Another Minute in the NBA, Play the Vio...lin" petition and believe me, the signatures are multiplying everyday. We'd strongly advise you to consider this letter as a caveat, and retire from the NBA to start working on getting a job in the economics sector since you did get your degree in Economics, right?

Again, you have not done the university a favor by playing this sweaty, stinky game called basketball at the professional level. Please do what we have asked and there will be no further actions on our part.



Flushing the toilet with sincereness (but not really),


The Harvard Student Council

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