OK, We Get It, The Food is Grinds

I hang out with this girl. She likes watching food shows. I'm not too big of a fan of the shows simply because the food looks really good and I eat eggs and rice for dinner, so those two facts don't really work out in my favor.

When I watch the shows, I think the food looks amazing, but I tend sometimes to only watch the show hosts and how ridiculous their facial expressions are, and the way they praise the food they have just tasted. And I'm not talking about the shows where the host is a cook, I'm talking about the hosts who taste a cook's meal. I like how they:

First, look at the food that the cook is about to give him/her with huge eyeballs as if he/she are about to receive the most precious gift on earth. Then, they take a bite, close their huge eyes and make this face like the most precious gift on earth has turned their taste buds upside down. They then start to nod their head up and down, seemingly saying yes, but the words won't come out because they're speechless--it just tastes THAT good. Then, they look at the camera and point to the food, still not saying anything, but as if to say, "You have GOT to try this." Finally, when words can reach their vocal capabilities, they say that it's the best whatever it is he/she has ever tasted...evvvvvver.

Over and over. I suppose you have to sell it. Doesn't the food ever taste bad that it makes them want to spew (and "If you're gonna spew, spew into this--Wayne Campbell)? I mean, it doesn't have to taste bad, but according to what the TV host likes and dislikes, the food has to suck sometimes! It'd be classic to watch a show where the host gets the food, takes a bite and goes, "Wow!" And the cook goes, "You likes?" And the host is like, "No! That was the worst taste of food I've ever had! This food sucks!" and just starts spewing everywhere! At least I would know that the host was being honest. And I know they wouldn't edit or completely cancel that particular show too.

I guess I'm just hating the playa AND the game because I'd guarantee grind all the food on those food shows. In fact, I'm pretty hungry right now. But I think I'll just settle for my 88 cent purchased bag of saimin and a live telecast game of the NBA.


Flushing the toilet,

Loa

Permit Yourself to Show Your Elevator Permit

Many thoughts can cross your mind while you're in an elevator: what do I have to do today? I wonder who's home? This elevator is slow. This elevator is fast. Why didn't I take the stairs? Who is this Otis guy? Etc. But have you ever looked at the sign somewhere in the elevator that says, "ELEVATOR PERMIT LOCATED IN MANAGER'S OFFICE"?

I've seen it a bunch of times and thought of going to the manager's office just to see if they really have a permit for the elevator. But, sometimes your manager's office isn't even in the building. Sometimes, you might be stuck in the elevator and want to know how the elevator is operating with a "permit", but you can't, 'cause you're stuck...in the elevator, and the permit is in...the manager's office. I once went down in an elevator with only myself and another female, and the lights were out inside. First, I was thinking how lazy the maintenance was, and then I was like, "Wow, this is kinda cool. She could be hot, and for the next  10 seconds, something amazing could happen." Turns out, the girl was my sister in-law's first cousin. Weird. And totally off subject...kinda.

I wonder if these "managers" ever have regular people like ourselves strolling on through their office asking, "Could I see the elevator's permit please?" Startled, the manager shuffles through the various papers piled on his desk and inside of his drawers. Finally, the manager finds it and shows it. The person examines the document then hands it back saying, "OK, just making sure. Thanks," and walks out the door.

But why is there a sign saying that the permit is in the manager's office? Why can't the actual permit be displayed in the elevator. You don't have bars having a sign that says their liquor license is in the manager's office. Maybe there were incidents in the early days where the actual permits were being destroyed by passengers in the elevators. And it just so happened that the elevator peeps were the originators of going "green", saying "We are using just too much darn paper with trying to show our darn permit, darnitt!" So the dudes were like, "You know what, we'll just put up a sign in the elevator saying that the permit is in the manager's office. There, the permit will be safe in the manager's arms." Who knows? I obviously don't.

Anyways, check out that sign, and possibly think of taking a look at the actual permit...wherever the hell it is.

Flushing the toilet,

Loa

Burning Rubber is Not Always Cool

An action worth taking a look at is the "burn rubber when mad" action. Well, it's not THAT important that it's worth looking at, but it's so funny and so true.

Scenario:

 Female and male are getting into a fiery argument, not a heated one, and brother man and sister woman can't take it anymore. He's like, "You know what?! You know what?!" And she's like, "What, huh?! What?!" And he's like, "We're through!" 

As he says that they're through, he slams the front door of the house, and proceeds to his vehicle. After he gets into his car, he slams another door again, knowing that she is in tears listening to his every move. He starts his car, reverses, puts his gear into drive, and...infamously burns rubber. As she hears his tires screech for those few seconds, she then knows, he's surely not playing any games.

End Scenario.

But can someone tell me who the hell came up with doing that, and why when that person heard/saw someone else doing that because of him/her, he/she was like, "They must be pissed at me." I used to think burning rubber was for leisure activity and cool, until one day, I heard an argument from my neighbors, and it ultimately ended in the burning of some rubber. I was like, "Wow, burning rubber is not always cool." 

In any case, that person is pretty creative. I rather he/she burns rubber than burns in physical violence. Right on, creator of burning rubber!

Flushing the toilet,

Loa

You've Always Got an Option

You need to use the bathroom, but you broke your smart phone,  and have no immediate good read. What do you do? Wait, you have a laptop? Sweet! Oh, you don't have wireless connection? Bummer. Ok, so what do you do?

If you're like me and is not a quick dumper, you need something to do while you're on the toilet, or your experience is absolutely boring. This stands true because why would Tim Allen on Home Improvement and the ESPN Zone have TVs in their bathrooms? Ok, I know, they're men related, but it's because staring at a blank wall or a wall of torn-out magazine pictures can be again, absolutely boring.

I don't have a monthly subscription to any magazine, and I do enjoy a good read, but when I had to revert to my old phone which the coolest feature was text messaging, I had no wireless connection for my laptop, and my reading selection was at a minimum, I resulted in reading the descriptions of the various products inside the bathroom. They ranged from the shampoo bottle, the conditioner bottle, the body wash bottle, the face wash, and the air spray can. Not the best reads, but interesting nonetheless. It's nice to know what you're actually putting in your hair, on your body, or spraying into the atmosphere, and how the company goes about selling their product. Sure, it can seem a little awkward when your real purpose is to take a dump, but your mind will be busy and not focus on how soon you can reach for the toilet paper.

I'm just saying, if the opportunity kind of...sorta...like...presents itself, don't hesitate to get your read on.


Literally, flushing the toilet,

Loa

I Don't Bet, But I Play Fantasy

I'm not, and hopefully won't fall into being, a big sports bettor. For one, I don't have the money, and two, watching Keanu Reeves in "Hard Ball" just scared me straight into not gambling. Of course, I've petty gambled throughout my life ranging from quarter flip at the least and betting 20 bucks tops at the most. Again, not a big sports bettor.

For us children, we can safely play fantasy. No, not Final Fantasy you nerds, fantasy sports!  Although you can lay down some mula in fantasy sports, it's just as fun without it. For me, I strictly play basketball and football. There are tons of fantasy games like baseball, hockey, cricket, and...congress (??), but I stick to those two.

Basically, you choose players from the REAL professional sport through a draft system, and those individuals' stats in each game calculates towards your FANTASY team's points. You're either going head-to-head against another competitor in your league, or you're playing against everyone in your league. You can also trade, cut, or sign players to your team. Each league varies according to the league's commissioner and how he/she creates the league.

It can get a little awkward when it comes to your beloved sports team playing against someone on your fantasy team. You can start to root on for the other team just for your fantasy points' sake. You'll be like, "As long as Adrian Peterson gets two touchdowns, but the Bears still win, I definitely wouldn't be mad with that."

Fantasy can be like betting, and believe me, there IS a lot of money circulating through the fantasy sports playing field, but you don't HAVE to bet. So if you're feeling a little itch to bet, but don't wanna throw down those dollas, try fantasy sports. I'm sure you'll find something that'll heal your itch.

Flushing the toilet,

Loa

Birds Can't Read or Write

Imagine you're a young bird.  From a distance, you watch people walk alongside rails, yet they're not accompanying their walking with their hand on the rail, and you ask yourself why.  You've been coming to this spot for a few months and never has anyone not used the rail.  Finally, you've had enough with speculating and have decided it's time to find out for yourself.  Cautiously, you fly past the rail then come back around like a plane has missed its landing.  As you set your eyes on your destination, you land on it.  Suddenly, you realize why those people who were walking weren't using the rail.  You hear a fellow bird chirp, "Hah, look at Tom, that amateur, he's in wet paint!  Made that mistake myself in '99.  The rookies always fall for that one."

At any public place, where there is freshly painted objects, there will be a sign saying, "Wet Paint," indicating that there is...wet paint.  And at the Ala Moana Mall, they'll even add "wet paint" in Japanese!  But as far as I know, birds are illiterate; there could be some freak genius bird studying chemistry and writing novels with its beak in some remote place with an old white dude in a lab coat who has circular prescription glasses and hasn't shaved for days, but I'm gonna go ahead and say that's not happening.

Let's not take the fact that we can read and write for granted.

Flushing the toilet,

Loa

Fan Jumpers

On Tuesday, I'll be jumping on a plane to San Francisco.  It's been a while since I've temporary left Hawaii, and I won't lie, I'm ecstatic.  We all possess this bug in which every so often, we want to leave Hawaii.  Actually, regardless of where you live, there will probably be a desire to jump to another piece of land that you don't call home.

I can understand people jumping away from their homeland for a while, but I don't understand HOW people jump sports teams considering you were supposed to be a one-team fan.  I'm aware that I will be seeing a ridiculous number of San Francisco Giants hats roaming around in San Fran--I probably won't even realize these people have faces, just a swarm of black hats with orange lettering--but ever since they won the 'ship, I've seen that future ridiculous number of hats in Honolulu.  Woah, where did all these closet Frisco fans come from?  (Yikes, that could have been read wrong!)

Let's play this scenario out:

Loa: Hi, I'm Loa.
Recovery group: Hi, Loa.
Loa: Well, it started in '94 when I finally found out...I was a fan jumper.
Recovery group: (A choir of gasps).
Loa: "MY" team was playing, and then...and then...
Recovery Group: (Silent anticipation).
Loa:...I found myself rooting for the other team because they were winning...(begins to cry hysterically).

Must be the curse of the "no professional team."  And in any case, you'll probably hear or be in this real-life conversation:
Guy A: Sooo, you're a Giants fan?
Guy B: Yeah dude, they're so sick!
Guy A: Since when?
Guy B: Since ever!
Guy A: I thought you liked the Boston Red Sox?
Guy B: Yeah, but I always liked the Giants too.
Guy A: You son of a barney, Imma kill you!

Ok, no, Guy A doesn't say that last line, but you get the picture.  It must be nice to be born in Pittsburgh. "Oh hi, I'm Loa, and I'm a Steelers and Pirates fan."  Or if you're from Chicago. "Oh hi, I'm Loa, and I'm a Bears and Bulls fan. Daaaaaa Bears, daaaaaa Bulls" (I really am a Bears and Bulls fan; had to mention that).

In Hawaii, we have a plethora (I hate when people use that word.  Yeah, we know it means excess, and yeah, we know you looked in the thesaurus to find it, good choice!) of team lovers that there is no cohesive team loving, and I'm not even talking about sports now...or am I? Nah, but sports in Hawaii will always come back to the University of Hawaii at Manoa sports--the dedication and loyalty lies there.

See ya'll when I get back.

Flushing the toilet,

Loa